I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
