a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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