508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
