i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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