Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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