He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
