like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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