God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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