she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
