nut hugger
Soap is not a condiment
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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