i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
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Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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