I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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