Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
