i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
