distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
