It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
