just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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