Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
