You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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