i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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