at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
