idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
its liver damage thursday
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
