Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
