Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
