why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
