i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
