Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
