it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
