Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I need to stop coming to work sober
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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