The maid of honor just puked.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
