On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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