the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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