not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
