When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
