Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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