From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
