I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
