Please, let me fuck your mom
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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