Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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