Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
