Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
