dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
