I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
