Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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