I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
only you would photoshop your dick
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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