I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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