Buhtt sex?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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