Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
