i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
