She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
