the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
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Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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