im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The adults are the big ones right?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
