dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Damn victory sex feels great
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.