This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
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We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?