before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach