Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.