for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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