Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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