She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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