If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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