You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
