You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
