he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
