I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
