But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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