70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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