____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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