People in love make me want to vomit
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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