You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
