Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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