I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
