she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
